Sometimes I forget how young and naive I am. I've always been quiet, serious, introspective, melancholy, etc, which are traits that I've always associated with wisdom, or with people who understand how the world works. That's why I was never bothered by those characteristics: I thought, "Well, there are a lot of things I still don't understand, but if I just stay this way, I will eventually." However, my contemplative nature does allow me to be blindsided (blindsighted?) by some things. As I said, I tend to introspection, and, even if I don't admit to it often, it can be hard for me to look outside myself. I think my troubles are my own, and am caught completely off guard when it comes to light that someone else is feeling the same things as me. I'm even more bewildered when it's someone who is not the same age as me, which is even stupider than thinking I'm the only one who feels something. Why should human nature be limited me? The things I'm feeling, struggling with, and delighting in are the same things that people have experienced for milennia. It is not surprising that I'm not the only person who is feeling isolated, who is confused about what she wants, who cannot seem to overcome her fears, or who is frustrated at her inability to express herself adequately.

This universality blows my mind. Even though I've said all this, I definitely still can't grasp the concept that people might actually be able to understand me or relate to my experiences. How does it make sense that Cindy and Meg, among others, are questioning their desires at the same time as me, or that Scott is realizing the drawbacks of unintentionally (maybe unintentionally, anyway) staying away from people? Right now there are so many emotions and thoughts and feelings that include everything above, and so much more that it feels like they're going to bubble out of my brain and make my head explode. I wonder if I'm overcomplicating things, or is this a mindboggling concept to everyone?

(There's Got to Be)More to Life by Stacie Orrico is probably not the best song ever, but the lyrics are sort of relevant.

I've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let go

[Chorus]
There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
Than wanting more

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing

[repeat chorus]

Than waiting on something other than this
Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed.....